What was a defining moment in your life that caused a fundamental change in your understanding of yourself as a man?
This was the question posed to over 100 authors who entered The Good Men Project National Writing Contest.
Haverhill resident Perry Glasser's essay, "Iowa Black Dirt," seemed to describe this change the best and was awarded first place in the contest.
"Iowa Black Dirt" is the story of a man unexpectedly gaining full custody of his 8-year-old daughter and then embracing his role as a full-time single parent. Through his unconditional love for his daughter, he learns what it means to be a father and learns about what it means to be a good man.
Glasser's essay was taken from a longer version written several years ago and submitted to the Good Men Foundation, a charitable corporation dedicated to helping organizations provide educational, social, financial and legal support to men and boys at risk.
"This essay was first composed during a miserable year in Kansas when I lived in a borrowed furnished basement whose original residents, a cadre of crickets, resented my presence. Desperate to remember better times, I thought of my daughter and raising her as a single parent," Glasser said.
Glasser said he has frequently entered contests but this was the first time entering The Good Men Project, which began this year.
"When I saw they awarded five runners-up I thought maybe I had a shot at second or third place. I am enormously flattered to be named the first-place winner," Glasser said.
Glasser said having an organization like the Good Men Foundation is extremely important, especially in today's culture.
"The foundation is a very complete and dedicated blog with the purpose of helping men and boys at risk, whether that be financially, emotionally or in danger of not becoming good men. Our culture today encourages men to become narcissistic. Any culture that can produce the saying 'bros before hoes' is sick. The foundation is a response to our culture that is positive. Men need to learn to be good men so they can raise good men," Glasser said.
He said he is truly impressed by who they are and what their mission and goal is.
"Our culture doesn't offer good models of who they should be. You probably can't name a show that isn't a comedy that shows a man who is nurturing. At this time in our culture men are either brutes or studs. Where is the idea of a man being an open or emotionally vulnerable human being? The foundation wants to put it out there that good men can be found," Glasser said.
Raising his daughter on his own changed his life profoundly and in the end, helped him better understand himself as a man, Glasser said.
"It was the notion I had to find the willingness to take care of someone else and make the center of my life nurturing another person, a young person. The experience made me more aware of my capacity to be more complete emotionally and something that felt good as oppose to weird and uncomfortable," Glasser said.
Glasser said this is something that exists within men that needs to be acknowledged in our culture.
"Once I had custody of Jessica people I knew regarded me differently, and strangers regarded me with suspicion. Jess could never have a sleepover because, no, there was not a woman in the house. Life for her was a little different because of it and that was unfortunate," Glasser said.
Glasser said his essay shows the contrast of what a single man should be doing and what he can do.
"Raising her alone for so many years was the greatest achievement of my life," he said.
Glasser said he hopes men who find themselves in a situation similar to his will not be fearful circumstance where they have to open up.
"The stigma is not as bad as it was 25 years ago, but it still says men need to be the strong silent type and that notion is one that needs to be discarded. It gets in the way of being someone who can be more open and feel fulfilled. The notion of being open and nurturing is a possibility for anyone reading this essay. This situation is not emasculating, it's something men should do," Glasser said.
Glasser, 60, is a professor at Salem State College, where he coordinates the professional writing program. He is also a former teacher at Bradford College.
His third book, "Dangerous Places," a collection of short fiction, will be available in stores Sept. 1.
As the grand-prize winner of the contest, Glasser will receive $1,000, and his essay will be published in The Good Men Project anthology in November.
His daughter Jess is a TV news producer in Washington, D.C., and is getting married later this year.
"I couldn't be more proud of her. She is having a great life," Glasser said.
