If you are between the ages 50 and 65, read this. Why? You are a baby boomer. Me too.
Born after World War II, we have parents who are now aged, perhaps between 75 and 100. They are at the final stages of their lives.
How you proceed will determine the quality of their final years.
First, like us, get an attorney with a background in elder law. Ours advised us to have our parents update their 30-year-old wills. This can avoid possible protracted probate court involvement to decide how to parcel out an estate.
Our attorney was concerned that my parents had not protected their home, so he made sure we had a quitclaim deed with a life estate.
This protected my parents' home for my brother and me in the event that they would need full-time care in a nursing facility. Otherwise, the government can step in and seize assets to pay bills.
Take care! There is a five-year look back period. As our attorney said to us, "Time is not on your side."
The likelihood of nursing care is a reality today because our parents are living well beyond the number of years that their parents lived.
Most of them will need someone to care for them around the clock. If you are still of working age, you will not be able to adequately care for your parent. You may have to hire a live-in nurse, a very expensive proposition. Rare is the married "child" who can care full-time for an aged parent.
Those who try often neglect their own well-being, both physical and social. Most possible "free" time is occupied with parental needs. Caretaking children can stop seeing friends, going to places they enjoy, or traveling. If they do continue these activities, they can feel enormous guilt.
Next, take care of the cash. Taking over parents' accounts may be difficult for them, but you do not want that cash gulped up by the state as soon as the parent is institutionalized.
Many of our parents made no provisions for end of life care, trusted far too much in the medical profession, couldn't discuss these matters openly, and believed in the Rooseveltian and Democrats ideal that government would take care of them. No so today. The elderly are the first to be forgotten in a conservative climate.
Our lawyer also drew up a Power of Attorney. When my parents could not journey to sign papers for property they sold, I was able to do it because I had POA. This also gave me the legal right to pay their bills, buy them necessities and properly use their money for them. POA comes with responsibilities.
Be sure to have many heart-to-heart discussions with mom and dad.
Finally, our lawyer helped us open an elder care contact account, which allowed us to deposit our parents' cash in order to care for them. We will use this money to make caring for our parents possible, for there are matters of travel (gas and vehicle wear and tear), car rentals (my parents have trouble getting into my truck and have no vehicle), and their medical appointments.
Be sure to talk to your parents' doctors. Many of my parents' appointments were not necessary, and the bills that accompany them are enormous. Try talking to doctors on the phone. It was a tremendous physical strain on my parents to go to a doctor appointment in 90-degree humid weather just to have a blood pressure check or insulin shot, both of which I could do.
The most difficult part will be explaining why you are doing what you are doing. Our parents' worry, anxiety and fear led them to fight us tooth and nail. There was plenty of emotion to go around to accompany my and my brother's already overworked life.
Our attorney's help did not come without cost. Expect to pay between $5,000 and $10,000 for a full-service plan. It's worth it.
Michael Veves, a local business owner and regular contributor to The Haverhill Gazette, has gone through the process of caring for elder parents with his brother, Arthur, who lives in Carlisle.
